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Posts Tagged ‘unemployment’

Work, Work, Work

In Playwriting, The Daily Drool on May 12, 2010 at 6:03 pm

Sometimes people look at me cross-eyed when I tell them that I work ALL the TIME.  They wonder what the eff I’m talking about, especially since I’ve not had a lot of reliable actual employment lately.  Well, I’m talking about my writing of course, and much of my writing happens when I am driving, eating, even sleeping… and that makes for a nearly 24 hour a day job.

The trick of course, is learning to do other things while my brain is whiling away at whatever writerly task it’s consumed with at the moment.

Lately I’ve had a lot more time on my hands, but I’ve been really, really busy with a backlog of writing projects, not to mention dealing with my car, my crazy ex-landlords, and this new temp. census job.  And I’ve found myself swamped with a pressing need to slice and dice that list… I just want to get the writing done!

But this is the task of any writer, to balance the work and the passion- to find a means of managing the List with the Life… and I’m going to keep this post purposely short as a means of balancing those needs today.  😉

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Cell-Pic-Fun

In The Daily Drool on May 11, 2010 at 10:41 am

Alright, I’ve taken a few silly pics on my new Droid (LOVE IT!!!)  and kept forgetting to upload ’em…

Cat-in-the-Box

I don’t know what it is about cats and boxes, but put the two in a room and it won’t be but a moment before they’ve merged.  Midnite loved this side-ways box so much that she growled at me when I took it away.  Not the “I’m gonna’ eat you alive” growl, but the “You kind of suck right now and I might ignore you for the rest of my life… or until I forget what I’m upset about which could take – Hey!  Did you see that bird out there?!” kind.

This is my dad in my side-view mirror following me to the tire store… Nothing says “Don’t lie to me, tire guy!” like a grumpy biker.  Car update 2,097, btw?  BACK IN THE SHOP… and I’m falling a little too eagerly in love with the loaner they gave me – a brand new Subaru Forrester.  Nothing quite hits home just how crappy your own car is than to be sitting pretty in something you can’t afford.  (sigh)

Awwww!  It’s a Road Runner… sitting on a fence.  Awwww!

A blurry, softy, sunset pic… One thing about AZ skies: They really light up.  I remember when I was younger the big seller at all the AZ tourist shops were these thin sand and water devices… You’d turn them over and an air bubble inside would make sure the sand drifted slowly, painting this beautiful sunset desert landscape.  It really is pretty enough here that people loved the idea of bringing a little interactive version of it home with them.  Now, if we could just do something about this damned wind…

What can I say?  When the Hamm-it-UP mood strikes…    I found this carazy rubber grill glove in our massive (too massive) Fry’s Grocery-and-Everything-Else store.  After posing for 4 minutes while my mom tried to figure out how to use my cell’s camera (without turning me into a hundred blurry pixels) I decided that the unpleasantly clammy feeling inside the glove was definitely NOT worth the cool rubber index finger and exciting ribbing design.

This is the avery at the hotel we stayed at in Pheonix.  I can’t but look at it without hearing a little voice squawking… “Pigeon Date, May 9, 2010.  It’s been 547 days and we STILL haven’t managed to dig our way out.  Lacking opposable thumbs, I can see why the plan was doomed from the start.  Frankie and Johnny have taken up a petition to start pelting the pooper-scooper guy everytime he comes in, but our meager tools (birdseed and feces) seem only to amuse him.  The Cat, that vixenish night-prowler, continues to taunt me… sing-songing ‘You’ll never get past these vicious little claws!’ ”

There’s a children’s story in there somewhere… but I’m afraid my current state of mind would be to infer that it’s better on the inside where the food and fresh water comes to you.

And that, my friends, is all for today…

“Grrrrrrr” said the little bear, crouching from within me…

In The Daily Drool on May 7, 2010 at 2:30 pm

I hate being taken advantage of.  I know most people do (duh) but for me it fills me with an absolute discordant HOWL of injustice.  And yesterday, when I opened up my very tardy, very innapropriately deducted security deposit, I almost lost my mind.

Gone were the piles of laundry to wash, invisible were the rewrites to tend to, non-existant was my “To-Do” list a mile long… the only occupation before me was how to unleash the bear to satisfying results.  So I sat down and composed that letter, the one I posted yesterday.  It took about 2 hours, and I was hungry, and I was shaky, and at the end, only at the end, did I feel the angry tidal wave inside me subside.

But then again, this morning, I’m hit with it : the shit-stick of bad fortune, when I find out my car is STILL leaking oil, in fact spreading oil to it’s other parts, polluting the water and other lubricants within the engine… my own mini-oil leak, not nearly as devastating as that global crisis polluting the gulf, but annoying on a micro-level all the same.

And I stumble through my day, in complete heartbreak over the weight of all my worries… a cloud I am able to escape now and tehen, but looms, reminding me that I am financially screwed, have lost faith in love, and am angry.  I’m so angry.

I think I have been for quite some time now.

But it takes me a while to find it… to nod my head and admit that yes, this happy-go-lucky, almost always bubbly, person is, in fact, mad.

Mad that I got my heart trampled last year, mad that I let my foolish heart go frolicking in the dark and violent forest when I saw good and well road signs reading “Turn Back!  NOW!”  – Mad that I haven’t been able to get a permanent job… one that allowed me time to write and money to get by on… Mad that I have to weigh every damn decision against a host of variables I’m not even in control of.  I keep looking around myself and asking “What did I do wrong?!”  becuase I am so, enduringly, bummed about my current state of being…

Being broke.

Being sad.

Being lonely.

Being rejected…

Maybe that’s the thing… I feel like the world is saying “No thanks” to me right now on almost every front, and it sucks.

(Big, dramatic sigh)

There is a small light inside next to the bear… a little firebug, perhaps, of optimism and hope.  It whispers to me that “This too shall pass” and that I’m just in the middle of some (necessary?) ugly.  And that good things will come.

But I’m afraid sometimes that the bear is going to swat that little bug into next week, because it’s easier to be angry when the world turns dark and scary.  The bear builds walls and knocks over anyone who tries to fuck with it…  Firebugs don’t have claws, do they?

So I’m stewing… stewing in my own mini-oil leak, this angry perasive cloud mucking up the rest of things.  Threatening to overwhelm me at even the slightest of hiccups.

I’m just trying to listen to the firebug whispering in the dark.

The Fun-Time-Hangover

In The Daily Drool on April 13, 2010 at 4:29 pm

I’ve always suffered a day of the blues after any really fun event… as though the regular world is left less sparkly in comparison.  I don’t know why I’m like this, but I do remember feeling as though Thornton Wilder really nailed it when he let poor little Emily have another glimpse at her past after she’s died and the sheer fleeting beauty of it all sent her reeling.

Sometimes I even get overwhelmed by the joy as it’s happening, all too aware that it will eventually come to an end.

Well, this weekend wasn’t anything too riotous, but I did get to spend a lot of time with my family and some old friends, laughing, eating, drinking and just enjoying life.  It was like a little mini vacation for the soul.  And today, as I return to reality and look around once more at the uncertainty I’m swimming in, I just want to crawl back to “then” and laugh it up some more instead.

And while I sincerely hope there are many more of these times ahead, I can’t help but fret over the enormity of the blank, open-endedness in front of me.  Have I made good decisions?  Am I going to make good choices as I proceed ahead?  Will I ever know the feeling of gainful employment again?  Is a loving awesome partnership on its way towards me, or have I completely lost all faith in such things?  I’m not going to wind up a cat lady, am I?  When will I begin again to feel some semblance of balance?

Because I want more of the good times and less of these “ordinary” days built of confusion and anxiety…

Monday-Manic

In The Daily Drool on March 28, 2010 at 11:12 pm
  • Too much stuff left to do, not enough time left to do it.
  • I. MISS. MY. MAC.   
  • The cats are mending their disappointment over their missing perches (couch, bed, chairs, etc.) by laying in the middle of the empty spaces like Egyptian Mao’s… No amount of “MOVE!” and “WATCH OUT”s seem to help.
  • I have entirely too many stacks of “I’ll deal with this later” mail… don’t let that shit pile up, people.  It will bury you!
  • Who wants to come paint my apartment for me?
  • Why do apartments in LA refuse to provide fridges?  Now I have this large refrigerated cube that I can’t sell till I’m moving, but no one seems to by biting.  Refuse to let go for a tuppence, I’m probably going to have to haul it home with me and sell there.  Could be worse, I once looked at a place that provided neither a fridge, nor a stove!
  • Tired.  Grumpy.  And my carpet is DISGUSTING. 
  • Moving to commence Tues. morn.  Expect radio interweb silence for a few days.  Entertain yourself with the lovely FalloutGirl.  That’s where I’d be if I wasn’t here 🙂

What are all these people doing here?

In The Daily Drool on March 17, 2010 at 2:37 pm

A long time ago, I began working in the food service industry.  I usually worked weekends, because that’s when you make the dolla-dolla bills, and I got fairly used to surrendering those weekending days for the greater good of my bank account.  As a result, my then-burgeoning hermit-self got used to running errands during the week, when all the “regualars” were managing their 9-5’s.

It was bliss.

Gone were the annoying crowds doing battle for broccoli… here was a land open to me and the few other’s who had discovered the joy of a mid-week shopping spree.

It’s a lesson I learned well, and a schedule that I adhere to, to this day.  (It helps that I’ve been in school forever, waiting tables forever, and now am an unemployed writer with wacko writer hours.)

But occasionally I head out at noon on a Wednesday and am completely assaulted by CROWDS of poeple at the supermarket, or the mall, or at the Wherever, and I find myself thinking Where the hell did all these people come from!? with mounting irritation. Don’t they know this is MY Ralph’s?  Don’t they have jobs?  What is the world coming too when Best Buy is busting at the seams at 10 a.m. on a Tuesday?!

You see, the world is my oyster during the week, and everyone else’s on Sat/Sun.

And because then I realized the hypocrisy…

In The Daily Drool on March 8, 2010 at 10:52 am

Sooooo,  which among those of you throwing their eyeballs at this isn’t sick and tired of hearing about “Heartbreak 2009 (+ a wee bit of 2010)”?  Yeah, I thought so.   I mean, I’ve talked about it quite a bit, and I’m pretty sick of it myself.

Yet, I realized shortly after yesterday’s post about the bravery of loving even when you know it could hurt, that I am soooooo not looking for anymore “dogs” to love for just that very reason:  I am afraid.

Boo on me.

Boo for making a strong case only to hold it up to you all and wag my little finger, but then look around myself and pull in the ropes and push off for sea without inviting anyone else aboard this soap-box.

And without any plans to do so again in the near future.

Oh, sure, I know the pain of all that loving-and-not-receiving-in-turn will fade… I’ll lose my mind again over some cute little golden retriever or cocker spaniel…  But I am not looking forward to it.  For the first time ever I can say “Umm no thanks, not right now, I’m not looking for another helping of ‘whoop-ass’ just yet, thanks.”

Because the fear of the pain of loving?  It’s got me good.

And I just think it’s hilarious that I could be so caught up in the idea of “Well, if you’re afraid to love, you’ll never know the accompanying joy” that I would completely miss my own point.

(SIGH)

So, this is just really a FACE IT! blog… an admission that while it is nice to preach the joy and benefits of love, living that bravely is a different story all together.  One I may have lived in my twenties, but one that I’m less eager to push through in my thirties… I guess older bones take more time to heal.

Not Ready, NOT READY!

In The Daily Drool on March 3, 2010 at 1:24 pm

Friends show their affection in different ways; Hugs, bottles of wine, late night gab sessions, sometimes they even help you pack (ahem)  – but the strangest of all these displays has to be the “Fix-Up.”

I mean, here you have someone telling you that they like you so much that they want to help you find love.  They think so much of you and your happiness, that they become positively giddy at the thought of setting you up with So-and-So (usually a friend of a friend) who they just thought would be “Just PERFECT for you!”

And it’s always with the best of intentions, but really, in all honesty, I’m still not even close to ready for another romantic adventure- even a day-trip!  I got totally TOSSED this last time – and not only was I tossed, I was trampled, squashed, and forgotten about.  Why, oh, why would I get back in the ring now?  It’s still too fresh.  I need more time to forget about the pain before I can even THINK about getting hoodwinked by the fun again.

Perhaps it’s just part of getting older, of having one’s heart broken so many times… of realizing that I keep giving it away to idiots who don’t deserve it (but who I sooo think do at the time)

I don’t want to do any of that again.

I like, SO, don’t want to.

I DON’T WANT TO!!!!

(pant, pant, pant)

So… I appreciate the thought.  I really do.  And if I were you, I’d probably think the same thing -“Oh, Tiffany is such a sweet girl, and she’s got such a big heart…”  But the heart-shop is closed up, and I don’t feel so sweet right now.

Really, you’re doing your “handsome, funny, pretty-good-looking” friend a favor by NOT introducing me right now… I feel like a tornado.  I would probably eat him alive.

* Author admits this attitude may be fleeting and anyone coming across sweet, funny, employed potential who likes cats should probably go ahead and inquire as to present state of Tornado *

My Cable Coma

In The Daily Drool on February 23, 2010 at 8:21 pm

I think it’s catching up with me.  I spent the whole day staring at the television set, not because there was any particular brilliance on it’s shining, glowing face, but because the alternative meant thinking about my life and it’s onslaught of “closing chapter”-ness.

Which was understandably overwhelming.

So I watched T.V.

A LOT of it.

And now I’m biding time until LOST comes on.

And then I will go to sleep.

Because I kind of just want this day to be over so I can try anew tomorrow.

I guess sometimes we need these days of nothingness, but I’m really hoping I’ve gotten it out of my system.

Oh, and I got my car back (MAJOR YAY!!!) so at the very least, I can go fetch the toothpaste and kitty litter I’ve been neglecting.

What day is it?

In The Daily Drool on February 19, 2010 at 10:52 am

Really, I’d like to know.

I mean, I think it’s due to my recent revelatory upheavals that I’m even asking the question, but I am. Asking.  Every. Day.

Because I haven’t got anything holding me to time.  Time for me has rather spun into patterns of light, dark, light… I wake up and decide to get up so I can tend to the… what exactly?

If I had any designs on trying to last-minute get a job they’ve been squashed by the plague that kept me couch-bound for a week and a half, and now the blown head gasket that has kept me house-bound through next week… As though the universe is resoundingly cheering me on back to AZ.

And then today I find out that the classes I’ve been teaching in Valencia have been cancelled.

Yup.

Got the message God/Universe/The Force.

But the days… they’re loosing traction and I’m afraid I’m going to wind up muttering on street corners if I don’t get grounded soon.

(sigh)

So… what day is it again?