T-to-the-A

Deja-Deux

In The Daily Drool on April 15, 2010 at 9:38 am

I’m going to devote this blog post to the past… er, the present… future?

Because there were a moment or two this weekend where it all kind of dovetailed into one infinite blob.

I’m sitting on a stool, in a restaurant in my home town- a restaurant that I’ve eaten at before (although not in the bar, which is where I am now) –  And there’s tasty food in front of me, a bubbly drink in my hand, and a very familiar face staring back at me from across the table – a face with which I once kept great company.  We’re playing catch-up after way too long, and there’s a moment when he says something funny and I laugh, just really laugh, and I feel all the lines disappearing, shaken off by the giggles – the age peeling away, the weight on my shoulders melting, melting, melting… running down my shoulder blades to land in a puddle at my feet.

Because for a moment I felt eighteen again.

It was as though I was relieved of the old, tired me and in her stead was left a young optimist, totally convinced in the just and harmonic nature of the universe, un-sullied by LA’s gritty, cold, sobering paws.

As though for a millisecond the past and present had merged and taken me along for the ride.

And I laughed some more.

But then I caught a glimpse of my hands, with all those little creases they didn’t used to hold… and I looked at that familiar face across the way –  It’s older too.

And I remembered my worries… I remembered my life…  I stopped looking at my hands, and I took another drink of my beer.

And do you know what it told me?

“You think too much, you find too many things to worry about, and you aren’t old (or crazy) enough to be hearing voices in your beer!”

… maybe I was drunk enough

The point is/was/may someday be – I’m back home in older (and hopefully wiser) skin… and it’s weird.

And fun…

But still totally weird.

Because there’s been a lot of activity on the path to here… a lot of living and adventuring.  To catch a glimpse of oneself within, to feel those eager young eyes looking at the world again, even for a moment… is something I neither expected nor know how to interpret.

And maybe if it only happened that once… but it showed up again Monday night at my Uncle’s birthday party.   We were all sitting around, my family and this same friend from the past, and some of my brother’s friends from way back, and I slipped right back there again… back into a strange sort of deja’vu soup of young Tiffany and this one, of family/friends Then and Now.  Things feeling familiar AND new…

Perhaps “returning home” holds more for me than just geography…  I guess we’ll find out.

Meanwhile, past or present, this girl needs breakfast.  Happy Thursday!

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