T-to-the-A

The Big Stall

In The Daily Drool on January 8, 2010 at 1:10 pm

Do you ever wake up in the middle of your life and look around yourself with a giant “WTF?!”   I’m having one of those weeks.  And it’s caught me particularly off guard since I came charging in to 2010 with such enthusiastic faith!

Then I realized that I’d been charging into it as though things were going to be vastly different- better even.  As though there was somebody standing on the other side of Jan 1 2010 with a big congratulatory hug, a job, and possibly a free steak dinner – to be handed to me in honor of all that I suffered through in 2009: “Here you go Tiffany, here’s Easy Street.  Cuz you earned it!”

Ummmm, hello!  Just because the calendar ticked over doesn’t mean my rent and bills and panic aren’t still waiting for me to deal with them.

DAMNIT!!!

So I’ve kind of been in a bit of  a spin because I am so tired, so very, very tired, of being unemployed and living on the very scary edge of artistic starvation, and doing it all alone… tiredly.

Which is probably why I’ve been lurking along this week in near-melt-down mode, struck by the giant wave that I thought I had left behind in 2009, but in reality was just giving me a little respite in honor of the holidays.

And I am thankful for that little break, I really am.  I’m just also very eager for things to start making a little more sense, to start making a lot more money, and to stop hyperventilating at every GD hiccup that comes my way… because if the first two happen, then the power of those hiccups will thin and I won’t be running as much risk that they’ll dislodge my cart and send me careening into the dark place.

GAH!!!

Maybe 2010 is holding peace and success and happiness… but it’s certainly not dropping them in my lap this week.  So I guess I have to keep plodding in the hopes that all the 2009 bullshit will pay off… that my life IS going to get BETTER, I just have to allow for a little more than 8 days to go by before the storm breaks.

Yeah, let’s hope the “Wonderful” is on its way!  I’m desperately needing some Wonderful…

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  1. just wanted to say hi! stumbled upon your blog. hope the wonderful will cross your path!

    franzi

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