T-to-the-A

How it Looms…

In Playwriting, The Daily Drool on December 7, 2009 at 10:03 am

A dream is not a very safe thing to be near. I know; I had one once. It’s like a loaded pistol with a hair trigger: if it stays alive long enough, somebody is going to be hurt. But if it’s a good dream, it’s worth it. -William Faulkner

Sometimes this thing I am trying to do, this life I am trying to have, feels so impossibly huge.  It’s like running to catch a pass that’s flying faster than you think you can run, only you are running…  running so fast that you fear the slightest pebble will cause your feet to stumble, trip, and bring the whole game to a stand still, the perfect pass passing you by.  And there, from your vantage point in the clumsy dirt, you will curse and lament that stupid pebble, for who knows when another pass like that will come along…

So you run, arms outstretched, the fear of falling on your mind, your eyes doing the splits between what is overhead and what is beneath your feet, and all the while the incredible pressure of it all flies along with you on the wind.

(sigh)

No wonder I get tired sometimes of this monumental chase.

Even now, as I sit here writing, working on a treatment for a script I am getting paid to write, I cannot help but anticipate that next pass, that next race.

I just hope I keep catching them, that I catch bigger and better, that I might be able to enjoy them a bit more in their having instead of treating them as stays of execution:  “Whew, not going to starve to death this month, but I better get on January!”

And all of this amongst the wonder of the very thing I strive to do- which is not catch footballs, but write plays and screenplays, and teach kids about theater… One of these days I’ll be able to enjoy these callings without feeling like I am stealing time to get it all done, without feeling like it’s going to come crashing down around me the moment I get comfortable.

I’d like those days to hurry up and get here!  My legs could use a rest…

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