In The Daily Drool on September 28, 2009 at 11:26 am

I’m not very good at telling myself “No.”  I never have been.  As long as I can remember I’ve found myself willing to fight the good fight for things I thought worth having.  Perhaps it’s something to do with my youthful revelation that life is precious, so precious in fact that I thought it a crime to squander in passivity or “Settling” and founded in myself a resolute determinism NOT to wind up defeated upon my death bed ruing all the things I did not do, but instead to be able to say that I fought for the life I wanted and lived it bravely with an honest heart.

And so I’ve always been willing to work for things.  I’ve always been willing to run further than necessary in the race to reach my goals (unless the weight of the battle surpasses the value of the prize… I’m learning to throw in the towel when there’s naught left to win)

But all of this to say that as a result of my… willfulness… I’m not very good at telling myself I can’t have something once wanted.

And lately, what with the heartbreaking end to a relationship I held very dear and the accumulated anxiety over my lack of employment taking its toll, all I’ve wanted to do is eat potato chips and sleep, and fold in the occasional movie time and dear old Internet.

So that’s what I’ve been doing.  And the apartment is (accordingly) quite the mess, my hair needs brushing, and I’ve got major some re-writes haunting my every non-move.  So I’m rolling up my sleeves and giving myself a challenge:  To take a break.  From the internet.  And the snacks.  And all the other little crutches that have been eating up my time and focus.  To stop feeding the self-indulgent side of myself and toe the hard line… To take a break from… the Facebook.

I know, I know, I’m so bold.

But it’s a time-suck, and I shudder to think how many hours get wasted trolling around its pages and playing Mafia Wars (non Facebookers won’t know what this is, don’t worry, you’re not missing anything!)  So I’m cutting myself off.  Today I start my internet-diet… and I just hope that I have enough willpower to follow through.  I will limit on-line-time to email checking and blogging in an effort to focus on tasks at hand, and I will NOT check my Facebook until my rewrite is complete.

It is an exercise in self-control and setting goals and common sense.  Though I’ve got a lot of experience with goals, the other two areas sometimes get away from me.  But I think I can do it.  I want to do it.  I WILL myself to do it.

… and I’ll be sure to let you know of my progress in the new “No” department.

  1. Ohhhh….don’t think I could do that. I don’t do Mafia Wars…but the internet is like…I’m addicted. Definitely.

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