The Ugly in Your Belly

In The Daily Drool on September 14, 2009 at 5:26 pm

Every once in a while something unpleasant happens and you feel the beast inside dropping bricks of anxiety against your stomach.  You can’t stop him, his long tentacles unfurling… wrapping itself around your middle and squeezing, till breath is missed and eyes are tearing.

I hate feeling like this…  as though there is a “Vacancy” sign planted outside my belly and all the nastiness shows up with their baggage- Plop, plop, plop…  The internal sabotage echoing, reverberating up my spine, meeting my brain and it’s feeble cries of “Don’t get ahead of yourself” and “Calm down” and every promise that “Things will be just fine” doing very little against those nefarious seeds of self-doubt.

It’s a monsterous thing to have such a battle being waged inside your very self… the face gets hot, the fists clench up, and your ears ring, and all you want to do is curl up until it’s over and the sun is once again upon your shoulder.

What is this thing inside?  Fear?   Pain?   Disappointment and judgement all wrapped up in one ugly mess?  Is there naught to do but take comfort in the fact that at least everyone else has some variety of this Ugly all their own?


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