Meaning what exactly?

In Fiction, Prose, The Daily Drool on June 26, 2009 at 3:23 pm

Suddenly it hits me, like truck meeting insect on the interstate.  The intersection of what was thought and what really is, colliding with catastrophic force.  It’s knocked me up and to the ground.  I am literally sitting amongst the funk and fur trapped inside my carpet.  Mind realing from the revelation, backpedalling its way through the Why’s and the How’s, to the That’s where this began. This thing pressed firmly against my throat is fear and the thing pressing it there is my own godamned hand.

Witty phrases and collected quotes are batting against my skull like a flock of angry birds, their wings silently bleeding against my tightly closed eyes.  Repeating the beat, mercilessly in refrain-  The thing we are most afraid to do is generally the right thing to be doing.

I’ve been thinking it was left.

Smashed now, between the weight of what is realized and the unflinching stone-cold stench of the truth against my cheek, I bite down harder on the thing I must throw out.

I do not want it to be true, this epiphany of epic scale, this avalanche of thought collapsing around, over, inside of me…  But it will not let me move, shift, reshape, or hide.  Forced to stare into the pickle I now inhabit, I look around and it is ugly.

I’ve been assigning meaning to this thing… assigning it not from observation, but from what I wanted to see… from my own need.

And like the blind seeing sun for the first time, this lightening bolt has seared its image onto my very lids.  My eyes burn with it.  I cannot sleep, but it is there.

Floating in all it’s emptiness… a lie.  A malfeasance of interpretation.

Once again, I have guessed incorrectly.

Once again I hit the floor.

This is a fictionalized bit of stuff, I’m fine, don’t be worrying 🙂

  1. Interesting bit of writing. At the risk of being a douchebag, there are a couple of minor proofreading issues you should take note of. From an audience standpoint, I wish there was a just a little bit more specificity. Don’t mistake me, I would not want all of the details, or even most of them, but another hint or two about what it is you have to throw out, and why you’re reluctant to divest yourself of this particular person, place, or thing, would be awesome.

    Still, an impressive command of language, and very emotionally evocative piece of writing. It takes real skill to engage someone as completely as you did me with these few paragraphs. Excellent choice in writing it in first person…I felt it was your dilemma, even after reading the italicized disclaimer.

    You pretty much rule.

  2. Proofreading is for chumps! 🙂 I sometimes look at the time and just hit “Post” in defiance of the hour, knowing full well that midnight eyeballs do not see as clearly as those of the morn… or necessarily make all that much sense, haha. Thanks for the compliments!

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