Pleading for Change…

In Essays, The Daily Drool on June 14, 2009 at 9:59 pm

What is the point in telling someone you are hurt?  It is a plea for something… “Give me!”   You want them to apologize, or offer up a different/better point of view… or to soothe you.  And in so doing, you hand over to them a wealth of power.  Because now they have more options than you do… they can follow the progression you hope for, or they can scoff at you, walk away, or kick you even harder.

Because as long as you are the person with the want, they have the ability to withhold.  And one of course hopes that one is engaged in relationships with people who would always seek to reach healthier understandings… but are people ever really invested in one another for the same common good?

It’s dangerous to walk into anything with expectations, much less a room with the injurious party.  And yet, stuffing it down to your bowels to hopefully shit out the next morning isn’t healthy either.  So you must choose whether to confront the feelings and risk leaving unappeased or swallow them and walk away never knowing if this “friend” would have held you till the crying was done.

Lately I’ve found myself with less and less faith in people and their overall interest in the well being of those around them.  Oh sure, it’s there, a comraderie and affection.  But the strong as oak reliablity that lasts through the ages?  I don’t know.  And that’s not to say that I’ve decided people are scum.  No, no, no.  It’s just that I’ve come to the conclusion that people, for the most part, take care of themselves first and the rest later… if they want to…  and as long as there isn’t anything more interesting on T.V.

Because there will never be anyone as invested or as interested in you and your success as you.

It’s just not the way the world works.

So if you are a compulsive lover and hugger, you will inevitably have to wrestle with your notions of those you love and hug, and reconcile yourself with the fact that you are gambling… that there are no guarantees that those you love will love you back…  You must find a way to truly be okay in the giving without hope of receiving because there are no rules promising that you will ever get anything back!

You have to find a way to give it to yourself.  You must find a way to live in a world that is inherantly unpredictable and therefore dangerous, and you must find away to calm your heart if you have any hope of sanity.  Because as long as you love, there will be pain.  You open your heart and it slips past the drowsy guards, hopefull watchdog, and makes its way on up the stairs.  It comes in many shapes and sizes- worry, fear, disappointment, betrayal, illness- a million little stowaways riding on the back of that one idealistic word.

And you do not get to cry foul when your heart is rebuked, for there is no rule book to hold fast.  You only get to look back at your past-self (the one who thought this was a good idea) and shake your head at all that that hopeful little fool did not know.

So what do you do with it?  What in the world do you do?

  1. There is only one thing to be done. As you astutely point out, you really have no control over anyone’s behavior except for your own. So you must behave as you wish for people to treat you. This whole thing is the essence of the Golden Rule. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. And of course, even then, there are no guarantees But you will have set an example and you will have created in others a sense of what it is that you want from people. This is the way I try to live (and of course, I don’t always succeed, but I try), and as such, I find myself…blessed with the best friends in the world. People who won’t let me me fall, and that knowledge makes it easier for me to stand on my own.

    I’ve warned many people about the dangers of expectations. When you have expectations of another, you are almost begging to be disappointed. Rather than expecting things of people, I seek to understand them, so I can have a sense of what I should be able to…expect from them.

    What I don’t like is knowing that something motivated this blog, some sense of fear or disappointment. I hope you know that there are better times, and better people, ahead for you.

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