In Essays, The Daily Drool on May 1, 2009 at 12:06 pm

There is an oft devised means of creative/emotional survival floating amongst us dreamers and lovers… It isn’t something planned out, most of are not even cognizant of it’s implementation.  It just sort of settles over us like a cloud, absorbing our days, masking us in a false warmth we like to call “Trying”.  I call it bullshit.  Either way, it’s insidious in it’s attack.  

What am I talking about?  Well….

It’s the 99% rule.  It’s a really clever device for avoiding failure.  See, you put on your game face and go, go, go… putting on a good show of the efforts you are expending… reveling in the sweat and sunshine… but when it comes time to clinch the deal, you hold back.  Why?  Because as long as you don’t ever go ALL IN, you don’t have “ALL” to lose.  

It’s about preserving the illusion that if you had gone in with 100%, you would have won… (the game, the girl, the movie deal)… so as long as you are failing at 99%, you can still walk the earth knowing that it was your choice – not “Thier’s”.  That if “They” had really seen what you were capeable of, “They” would have hired you/fallen in love with you/given you the keys to the kingdom/you name it, you’d have it in the palm of your hand.

So you don’t make the call because there’s always tomorrow, and as long as there is tomorrow, you haven’t been hung up on yet.

You don’t finish the rewrites because as long as there is more to be done, you can claim it’s “Going to be…” anything you want.

You don’t open your heart because as long as it’s closed someone else is doing the knocking, and you get to take comfort in the potential without fear of the collapse.

So we walk around… never really giving our “All” for fear that our “All” might not be good enough.  We hold back in an effort to shade our fragile egos.  We give less, and we get less, and we rail against the inadequacy of it all… but we rarely look to ourselves to see what more we can do/give/be.

For who wants to wander this earth hiding beneath a security blanket built of one’s fears?  It’s a far better thing to look up to the sun, spread our wings and attempt flight… every time… than to shiver in the shadows of those soaring above us.


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