T-to-the-A

Tomato, Tom-ah-to

In Essays on February 16, 2009 at 8:42 pm

I’m sure someone wise once said “Don’t go to the grocer on an empty belly” but it seems no matter the sense behind it, I continue to peruse Ralph’s well-stocked shelves with a rumbling hunger that leaves me gasping for air at the check-out counter.  $115?  Really?

And what on earth did I buy?  I mean, there are necessities like the dish detergent and very important kitty cat re-stock, but seriously, did I need the donuts?  Did I need the potato chips?

Probably not.

Except that, well, I like to nibble while I write, and lots of writing I am trying to do, what with all this unemployment time I have.  But I can’t help wondering if there isn’t a little something else behind my binge-buying today… something to do with the sleeping in, and the incredible number of hours I’ve been logging with HBO…

I think it’s to do with the feeling lately that I’m running a little low.

See, there’s a well inside each of us, brimming with love, inspiration, creativity… you name it, it’s there.  And we pull from it, fueling our lives.  And just as we drink from our well, we can invite others to sip from this spiritual cup.  Oftentimes the joy that comes from sharing our waters more than makes up for what we are giving away, but sometimes we give too much, too freely, or to the wrong person, and it leaves us feeling empty, a little hungry.  And if we do this for too long, this giving without receipt, we can starve ourselves.

That’s where I find myself right now.

And I don’t really know how I got myself here, except that some of it is to do with my heart, and some is to do with the reality of graduating (finally), and some is probably to do with the fact that I spend much of my time hermited up like a little old lady.

I’ve got to get out more.

Because I am, like, married to my computer.  And when the writing is going well, I am chock full of contentment.  But eventually, I’ve got to turn off the screen, and face up to the fact that there is alone time, and there is freakishly-close-to-cat-lady-alone-time.

Sooo, I’m contemplating more invitations and I’m trying to do a little more “Yes” and a little less “No”.

But until I locate and unlock that little wild-child gene that seems to be missing, I can at least stock my well with the fresh baked bread and home-made spaghetti currently coloring my kitchen with absolute delight.

But next time, I’ll make sure to eat a sandwich or two before my wallet and I head off to the grocer.

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